the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
