I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Im part way to drunk.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
