Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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