Its about making memories worth repressing
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
