she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
