I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
did i just pee glitter
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
