the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
