i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
