Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
