Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
