After last night, I could never be a politician.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
