I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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