Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
