$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
