hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
