Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
