I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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