We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Two words: nipple clamps
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