I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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