nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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