he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
