if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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