We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
