Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
