I think my vagina is haunted
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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