after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
