Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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