you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
