Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
