Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
