I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
