a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
She needs sedatives and a leash
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
