It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
