just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
