After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
