I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just googled if crying burns calories
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
