i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
...so i touched it.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
