do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
