I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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