Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
