jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
