well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
