who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
