It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
