Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
