kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
