Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
