I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
