So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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