I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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