Ketchup is God's man juice
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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