We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
