we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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